Beyond Friendship
by arracada
Summary: Chapter 9. The babygirl is dead and Tom is alone in the parking, watching the area the police has surrounded the car where the babygirl died. Tom and Christina talk about their feelings
1. Part 1 y 2

Previous scene: Chapter 9. The babygirl is dead and Tom is alone in the parking, watching the area the police has surrounded the car where the babygirl died.

**"Beyond Friendship"**

**Part 1**

Christina came closer, slowly, to where Tom was. She was confused by his reaction over the babygirls's death. Never had she imagined that he would show so much anger in public. Tom had always been very restrained, he could really control himself and did not normally lose his temper. Both she and those surrounding the baby, trying to save her, had been surprised by his reaction, but nobody uttered a single word.

"Tom, are you OK?" a worried Christina asked.

Tom watched with his green eyes, now filled with fury, the car where the sad incident had taken place. His folded arms and tight jaw, made Christina feel he was going through a bad patch. He was caught by her voice behind his back and turned to face her. He looked at her.

"It's been a really tough day, Christina".

"This is our job. You know, some days are bad, others are worse" She said, trying to force a smile, which she failed to get, in Tom's face.

"That's not the point".

Christina took him by the arm. They were walking slowly. Tom, with his hands in his grey trouser pockets, let himself go. He felt down-hearted and really angry, with himself, with the whole world and of course with the kind of God who lets things, like the one in the ER today, happen. His mind would not stop spinning. He did not want to give himself over to the desperation of recalling his past, but he was finding it really hard to stay calm. Once again, he felt powerless. Suddenly he felt Christina's hand touching his arm and he realised he was not on his own.

"As I was saying, the day could not be worse, but we have to keep fighting, Tom. Imagine how I feel. Responsibility over the ER staff will rest and apart from that, Camille is driving me nuts"

"You should be a bit more tolerant with her, Christina. She is at a difficult age" Tom whispered looking Christina into her eyes, which were shining with a special gleam.

"I know. But she is really inappropriate. Even after the hard day we had at work she has been calling endlessly" she said upset.

"Ok. I think we both could do with a talk. Would you like a drink after work?

Christina did not expect to hear that question from Tom. Since her husband died, they had become friends. Maybe he was her best friend, because her job did not leave her any time off to go out or for anything else. She was lucky enough to have Tom at the hospital so she could share with him the labor issues that, at some point, weigh on her. She regretted having accepted being the Chief Nursing Officer because of the responsibility it entailed.

"Do you think that is a good idea?"

"I'll meet you in my office in an hour" Tom said, without answering her question.

**Part 2**

Tom was sitting at his table in his office finishing the report he had to hand over to Morrissey. Time stood still. He moved his hand over his face and sighed. Never did he think he had to relive that horrible past again, but he would. He shook his head trying to get rid of that terrible memory. He watched his watch again.

In fact he did not know where he had gotten the courage to arrange to meet Christina in his office, even more after what Dr. Marshall had said: "your girlfriend, Hawthorne"... How he could have been so stupid. Christina was a friend, a good friend, with a special ability to get herself in trouble. Tom smiled while thinking about this. However, something was happening lately. His heart jumps with joy when he sees her in the morning and greets her by calling her "sunshine" which she seemed to like. When he looked her in the eye, he felt an inner nervousness that he did not feel with other women. The previous day, while he took her face between his hands to check the injury on her cheek a delightful shiver ran down his back and an immense tenderness took control of him. He felt so vulnerable… she, the one that always showed herself so strong, so competent, so powerful...she also had her weaknesses. He loved watching her like that, surrender for a moment, in another person's hands.

It was hard to confess these feelings to himself knowing that she had recently lost her loving husband and that he had been his doctor.

Some hard knocks on the door, took him away from his mental self-absorption.

"If you are busy, I will come back later" Christina said, sticking her head around the door after she had slightly opened it.

"Come in, Christina" Tom said while standing up and walking to the door.

Christina came in, closed the door and leaned her back against it. That day had been a really scorching one and she could not remember where she had forgotten her shirt, so she showed up in Tom's office only in her T-shirt. She was nervous but she did not know why. She had been there a thousand times. Only a week before they had had pizza for dinner in his office. That night, Tom was extremely handsome. She had to admit it. So much, that she had joked calling him "Tom Bond". That was the first thought that she come up with when she watched him in his tux, walking around in the corridors of the hospital. But it had only been self protection. She felt utterly astonished. She was used to seeing him dressed both in his white coat or his scrubs, she felt a great hormonal stir in his presence. Later, during their dinner, confessions were made. Not many, but meaningful… to the point of both feeling awkward. They had exceeded the limits of friendship. She was afraid of what that date could mean. His friendship was the last thing she wanted to lose and her own experience told her that was exactly what would happen when that line was crossed.

"What's going on, Chistina? Anything else happend?" He asked worried.

"No. It is just that I am exhausted" she said moving away from the door and getting closer to Tom.

"Sit down. I'll give you a massage."

"What?" she answered with her eyes wide open and a wicked smile.

"Let's see. Don't you get the word massage?"

"Tom?"

"Don't be nasty-minded. Come here." He said.

Christina obeyed again. It was the second time that he ordered her to do something and she just agreed without protesting. What was going on with her? She could not recognize herself. Tom stood behind her and before she realized it, she felt his hands on her shoulders massaging her tight muscles. The heat from his hands gave her a comfort she never would have expected. Without realizing it, she let a well-being moan escape from her mouth, that she took back instantly with a "Sorry". Tom busted out . He loved how she gave in under his hands.

"Don't ever laugh at me again."

"Oh, it's just been really funny to see that you are not as tough as you are trying to be.

"Trying to be?"

"You know what I mean, Christina. It's good to relax from time to time" he whispered in her ear.

It was at that moment that she could smell his natural odor. Tom smelt after a long and hot work day but there was still a hint of his cologne, Paul Smith, the cologne she liked so much. She had never told him, but she inhaled his scent every morning when they met. Ok, this could not go any further. She had to stop this situation right now.

Christina jumped up and without saying a word she made her way to the door when one of Tom's arms stopped her.


	2. Part 3

**Part 3 **

"Where are you going?"

"Tom, I don't think this is a good idea"

Both of them were standing, looking each other in the eye. They were standing really close. Their difference in height was obvious now and that made her feel even smaller, Christina thought. Her mind was a hive of activity. She wanted to stay but she was also afraid of what she was feeling.

"At no time did I want to bother you. I thought you could use a relaxing time. I am sorry if I made you feel uneasy."

"No, Tom. The problem is me. I don't know what is happening to me"

He gazed at her delightfully. He loved her curly black hair which this late at night was tied back and her small, turned-up nose, so different from his. He smiled while thinking about this.  
"What are you laughing at?" Christina said a bit offended, thinking he was making fun of what she had previously said.

"I like it when you are angry. You should see the faces you make, he added without confessing his real thoughts.

"Okay. At least somebody is having fun"

"Come on. Don't take it the wrong way. I told you to come because I wanted to talk to you. Let's start all over again. As if you just arrived." Tom said taking her by her shoulders and moving her away from the door.

"Ok, but just for a while. Camille is waiting for me at home and I am sure she is going to be in a horrible mood"

They took their seats around the table, separately. Tom pulling up the sleeves of his shirt. The heat was suffocating and he needed to find some kind of relief for it. She wiped the sweat off her face.

The distance between them was not enough. The sparks flew between them and both of them were aware of it. Tom clenched his jaw and frowned his forehead. He was looking for a way to start the conversation, but he could not deprive himself of staring at her. His greatest wish was to hold her in his arms, to get rid of the elastic band in her hair so it would fall down in all its beauty. He wanted to feel his long fingers lost in her curls, caressing her. Christina's mouth seemed a magnet to him. The night before, while lying on his bed, he had allowed himself to fantasize about that mouth, but right now he could not do that and he found it difficult not to let himself fall for her and her curled lips.

No one was talking. Tension was increasing. Christina broke the ice.

"I guess you would like to talk about those staff cuts Morrisey is doing"

"No. I do not want to discuss that in my office so late" Tom said short and sharp.

Christina felt upset because of the tone in his voice, but she hid it.

She, again, regretted being with him in such circumstances. She felt that staying there was not good for them, but she was unable to leave her chair. Tom's green eyes had her trapped, and the sweet expression in his face took control over her will again. He was the most attractive man she had ever seen. Not only because of his looks but for the way he behaved. She loved how he cared about his patients and his captivating personality which made his presence noticeable, even if he did not speak.  
When did she realize that Tom was something else for her than just a friend? Christina went back in her memories. Images of the day when he yelled at her that "she was not a doctor" filled her mind. Yes, that was the day. Her heart crunched when he got so angry at her. She left humiliated and cried when she was alone. Never had she expected such a reaction from him. She dreaded to lose him. That feeling was the first confession she made to herself about something she wanted to avoid by all possible means. And when he finally turned up with his huge and emotional smile to apologize, she knew for sure that her heart belonged to him. Tom's deep voice woke her up from her thoughts.

"Would you like a drink? We've finished our workday.

"That would be great" she answered without really knowing what she was saying.

She felt confused due to the vivid images of the memories crossing her mind.

He walked up to the liquor cabinet slowly, feeling in his shoulders, in his whole body, the tiredness of the long day. He took two glasses and poured two fingers of bourbon in it.  
"I'm sorry, but I've run out of ice. Too much heat to this time of the year" he said bringing her glass to her.

"What have you done with all the ice?" she asked, frankly amused.

"Do you really want to know?" he replied whispering his words and half-closing his left eye, transforming it in a seductive wink.

That sent shivers through her spine and she felt something she had not felt since a long time ago... She could not carry on with this game.

"Tom, what game are we playing here?" she asked

He lowered his gaze to the amber liquor and shook the glass nervously, as if the non-existent ice would melt. After a while, he raised his head and she could see, while he stared at her, that tears welled up in his eyes.

It broke Christina's heart. She could not understand the suffering that his face was showing again. She loved him too much and she knew he was suffering but she did not know why. A knot in her stomach warned her that she was about to lose her mind. She wanted to get up and sit down next to him, taking his face between her hands, placing her lips, softly on his and whisper in his ear not to worry about anything because she was next to him.

"Christina…" he said with an endless pause, "I also lost a son..."


	3. Part 4

**Part 4**

"Do you remember the other night, the night that I told you that I got married while I was studying at the University?"

"I do"

"I was in my last year of medical school. She was a nurse like you, Christina. While I was an intern we found out that we were going to have a baby. We were really happy with the news, but our living together was going downhill during the pregnancy. She started to feel uncomfortable with her new look. She would not accept that her belly was growing day after day and that made us argue a lot. Katie suffered from anorexia nervosa and the pregnancy meant a lot of stress for her"

"I am so sorry, Tom"

"She avoided food and that affected our baby. I did not know what to do with her —he said with tears in his eyes—, our relationship was getting worse at times. She was seven months pregnant and we had to get her admitted to the hospital to induce labor, because the baby was not gaining weight. He spent three weeks in the incubator. An infection took him away from us. We could not do anything to save him."

His warm voice was now faltering and distressed.

"Oh, Tom. I did not know that."

"During these three weeks, Katie refused to visit him. She said that she felt guilty and fell into a deep postnatal depression. I spent day and night at my son's side , watching his tiny face, caressing his soft skin, giving him the hugs his mother would not give him and putting hope in science. There had been lots of children before him under such circumstances. Why was not he going to make it?. But I was not that lucky. Neither science nor God were on my side. Do you understand now what I felt this afternoon?. I was reliving the same thing, unable to do anything..."

"We were all surprised by your attitude, just giving orders. I know you and I know how you get involved with patients. Even you did not want to call the time of death."

"Christina, I could not bring myself to touch that child," he said angry and yet sorrowful. It was as if a wall had been built between us. You can not imagine how I felt when I tried to revive David ... I named him David after my father ... and I put my huge hands on that little body ... I had to call the death of my son ... and I swore that I would not do that anymore with a baby.

When my wife got over her depression, neither one of us was the same. It was impossible for us to continue with our relationship. Too many complaints. Too many non-spoken issues. We split-up, and since then, we are not on speaking terms."

Tom took a big sip from his glass, trying to calm down the anxiety he was feeling. He had never told this to anyone before. It was different with Christina, he could trust her. He had watched how deeply she cared about her patients. It was just then when he saw her in a different way. That time when a disoriented patient mixed her up with his wife and she just played along with him, as long as he calmed down. He began to love her right then, but he warned her that this was not her role, she was not his wife, and Christina got angry and told him that he was out of line. They argued a lot, but there was always a moment for making up and that was the best moment. Her smile, her forgiveness, was like a breath of fresh air. He loved her.

"Tom!—she said placing her hand on his arm".

"I told you this because you are becoming very important to me. Christina ... I love ... "

"No, Tom. Do not go that way."—she interrupted sharply.

"You are still unwilling to accept reality"—he said reluctantly and again serious and angry.

"The truth is, Tom, and do not get confused, that you are depressed. You have relived the death of your son and that is painful for any parent. Your feelings are mixed up. You lost your son and your wife. You feel alone and helpless and this is what makes you believe something different. I am here with you. We are friends. Do not ever forget that —she said, touching his arm again and getting up, ready to leave.

Christina turned around and headed towards the door at a steady pace. She did not want Tom to notice the impact his words had had on her. Her heart was beating hard and inside her there was a burning flame of pleasure. She also loved him, but it could not be. Tom was Chief of Surgery, her friend. Any other relationship would be impossible. She had to deal with her teenager daughter and her patients as well. That was her mission. Those feelings would have to go back into hiding in the deep depths of her mind, well covered, to not let them flow. She closed the door after leaving the room and leaned her back against it. She sighed deeply. She could not be weak. She was the Chief Nursing Officer. Everybody needed her.

"This is beyond friendship, Christina" —Tom said with his glass in his hand watching the door closing—. Beyond friendship —he repeated—.I love you"

THE END

Scenes for a fic: .com/watch?v=5SBoAj2hLOo


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